My underwear smells like fireworks.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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