Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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