Don't you send me to vm
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
