I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
