508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
