god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
