I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
