Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
home. puking in laundry basket.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
