a queef is a wish your heart makes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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