can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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