i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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