yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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