I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
they're like a gay fantastic four
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What a dumb baby whore.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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