The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
