So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
