Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
