The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
BRING THE BAGELS
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
