He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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