I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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