I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
