i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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