is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
