Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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