Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
