the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
