youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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