so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
