The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
