My friends, they love my intelligence
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She even gives head with a lisp.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
