I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
