I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
