Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My bed smells like the plague
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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