how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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