Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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