Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
