when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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