i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
