they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sorry about my life...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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