I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
