You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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