You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
