And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
