I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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