hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
