i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
