glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
