She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
