I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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