ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
