saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
